An involved dad. An included parent

Posted byBereka Ne MberekoPosted inAandacht voor je kinderen en gezin, African, babydragen, Bewegen met je kind, Bijvoeding vanaf 6 maanden, Buitenlanders in Nederland, culture, Dutch, Emigratie, English, europa, Exchanging cultures, Het Vervoeren van baby's, huishouden, integratie, kinderen, koken, liefde, Moeder zijn voor het eerst, Moederdag, oervader praktijkvader, ouders, parents, Shona, werken, zimbabwe

Good job to all husbands and boyfriends who are there for their wife/girlfriend during pregnancy, birth and the whole process .

Now that we all know about women doing the greatest job in the world, how much support do they get out there from husbands or even family.
Sometimes we read through the lines, about some husbands being incapable when it comes to support during pregnancy and birth. When I say support I do not mean financially only, but being there all the way.
 Is there a possibility that we women want to take control?  Or are the husbands just lazy? Of course not all are the same, sometimes it’s a cultural difference or issue. But if one is prepared to accept and alter one thing then the second should be possible as well.
This means, if you expect to have good contact with your children and family in the future,  you have to try to bond and communicate with them at an early stage.  This part is just for everyone with children, meaning one day you will be a grandparent.

No-one can ever describe the feeling of being pregnant,  having your baby in your arms after working so hard for it together with your husband from the beginning to the end. Planning the pregnancy till the moment of heavy contractions that still forces you to a c-section, feeding your baby naturally etc suffering from pain.

It’s difficult to manage this all without your husband’s / partner’s moral support or you must be the strongest among all of us. Husbands do work hard as well. They keep repeating during birth “I wish I could take over your pain”. Of course we all know this won’t take the pain away, but when they can carry the baby whilst you recover, it’s already a big start. You are trusting them when they can:

  1. take a baby for a walk whilst you take some time for yourself
  2. help you during the nights whilst breastfeeding, you don’t have to  go out your bed to pick up the baby so he/she can be breastfed, give papa the chance to do that and let him try to sooth the baby first.
  3. cook or take the other kids for some activities
  4. clean up, not everyone has parents or in-laws prepared to help, nor enough money to pay a nanny.
  5. get the chance, not matter how hard headed they are, when they love the baby, they will understand.

The only person who can understand this above combination is the one who went through it, who is willing and those who respect this. There must be some basis of communication and love for this to work out.

This is a message to all men who are not yet at this stage, who think a woman can all do it alone. But a bigger message to all women who like taking control of everything yet they kind of expect help as well.

  1. Loosen up
  2. Trust him
  3. love him
  4. get some rest
  5. recover

To all women who are still looking, are single please do not hesitate to ask him if he is that kind of a men who puts his pride aside for his family.

Please feel free to contact us through info@bereka.nl for more tips and tricks how to get through to your husband after having children.

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The ideal husband is never  ashamed of his family wife, and kids.

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Published by Bereka Ne Mbereko

Muchaneta was now living in the Netherlands, far away from home and her extended family. Perhaps it was the distance or the time away from her roots that led her down a path to reconciling her traditionally African approach to child rearing with the new modern European scientifically tested advice she was consistently receiving. In doing so she began to craft out a unique path for herself and her growing family.

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